Last week, I saw the beating heart of my 6-week old child. At that age, he/she is still an embryo living in his/her own little world in the gestational sac inside me. At the left is the actual ultrasound photo  😉

The tiny embryo appears translucent in the dark background of the ultrasound monitor with its tiny heart thumping quickly.  No words could ever describe the sight. I looked at the monitor for several seconds trying to embed the image in my memory- the image of my child’s first signs of life. An image I would want to hold dear for my husband who missed seeing this because he is working abroad. An image that glorifies God who is the Creator of all Life.

Last week also, news broke out in school that a student of mine committed suicide. My student was 18 years old, good-looking actually, and quite timid in class. I often spot him sleeping during our 7-8am class. But I never called his name for I never embarrass students.  I remember one time after an early morning lecture, I approached him and asked him why he often dozes off.  He simply smiled, I guess embarrassed now, and apologized because he slept late.

Perhaps that was the only interaction I had with him that semester.  Two semesters later, he decided to take a gun and shoot it at his head.  His classmates relayed to me a sad story of family pressure and quarrels with his girlfriend. Perhaps, he got tired of it all, they said.  The day I learned the news, my chest felt heavy the entire day thinking why? Why? Why?!  Would it have changed anything if I were able to interact with him more? Talked to him more?  Have I and the other professors failed to be as second parents?

Now a realization about life and death hit me…

Do we have a right to kill ourselves?  Do we own our lives that we can take it?

My answer is NO.

We absolutely have no right to kill ourselves because our first heartbeat is not even from our own will. Our life came from the Creator and He has the sole authority to take it.

Being a primigravida, I now have a deeper understanding and appreciation of life.  Life is such a gift. A miracle indeed.  Why waste it away?  Life is not our choice, but living it to the fullest is.

My prayers and condolences to the bereaved family.

May eternal light and peace be with you, David.

You are finally home. Amen.